refreshing the sadness
January 10th, 2007 by parcelI still remember when my ex dumped me. It happened in end of 2003, when I discovered that he actually acting weird and seems like not-care. I was feeling strange and sad indeed, but I remained silence. I can feel that there were something happened and no one tell me what was it.
It was mid december, when he was attending a children camp, I supposed to attend also but I had to take care of my nephew. During the 4 days camp, he never gave me a call and tell me what had happened in the camp, whenever I call him, he said he was busy doing something. I can feel the strangeness. When it was the last day of the camp, I drove the the center and picked him up, he talked to me like a stranger, even worse than a normal fren. OMG, my heart was cleaving broken.
I can’t remember when? Finally he asked to break up, actually I knew it will happen someday but when it actually happened, I was totally freak out, i can’t accept the fact that he broke up with me with some odd and ridiculous reason. ( well, when u dun 1 something, u must have reason y u dun wan it.) I dun blame him.
I was like a mad and totally crazy, insane, psyco woman, run here and there, was calling him every sec, crying and struggling with my emotion. but he never picked up the phone, it was midnight 2 something, i called his hp, house phone but never answer, i tot i was calling a dead person. I can’t sleep at that night. Finally, he answer my phone and tried to concern me with some nice word, but he hurt me more and more deeply. It was so so so ironic, I spoke to his mum, spoke to his fren, I felt like I lost my dignity, I lost myself, I lost my mind, I lost my smile. Well, I had been LOST for 3 months. in 3 months non- stopping crying, calling, struggling, losing…..I dun remember to brush my teeth after I woke up, I dun have the appetite to eat my meal. I lost my weight from 55kg to 49kg( oh, that’s my limit). I cried every sec whenever I tot of him.I got serious panda eyes, wicked sick pale face and serious migrane. Even my mother was worried about me. haha!! That time i really dying living in the world, but I never tot of commit suicide, never, It is not worthing!!
well, i can say he tried to concern me with the lies and nice word, he acting very nice to me and i thank him so much for this, but actually he hurt me more deeply, like he was using a knife to stab into my heart, and my heart was broken into tiny small little pieces.
Thank god I had recovered from this hard-core time. because of his sympathy, he tried his best to be together with me again but I dun feel the same feeling again. I can say I felt desperate when I lost him, but after reunion, I dun feel love him anymore, I mean i dun have feeling on him. So we broke up again, I felt alright this time, and I dunno why? or maybe I dun love him anymore because he hurt me too deep? god knows!! Wow, It was really a sad and hard experience. I dun feel unfortunately to lose him but instead i felt lucky to lose him because eventually, i realized, he really not my cup of tea!! I want a MAN, not a BOY who thinks he can, I want a MAN, not a BOY who will run away. Well, thank him again, I lost my weight before to 49kg and I met my fantastic current BF.( hey, appreciate me, don’t you?)
wow, I feel horrible even when I writting this blog, recalling the hard time i had. oh, I will never allow myself into this dilemma again, it was really a heart- attacked relationship. thank god, i have forgotten about him. and thank to my fren who supporting me during my hard time. and thank them who always asked me to " LET GO, LET GO" .
pls appreciate ur partner if u really love them. good luck!!
